The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
