Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?