i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.