WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
