I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize