remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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