She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
