since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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