Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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