Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
