The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
