my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
