What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
