Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
