drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
