I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The air taste purple.
Randomize