People with herpes should wear stickers.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pooping to opera.
why is half of my head shaved?
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