I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
