Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
