why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
