remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
