dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
