Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
