just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
