The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
