Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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