Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
