I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
