So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
