the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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