it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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