I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
