i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
