Someone shit on the floor
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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