I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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