Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
