my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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