A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
