it wasn't lemon gatorade
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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