I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
