I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
