Who wears a wallet chain?!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
