We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
