How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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