yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
