Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
