how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
