white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
