Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So vagazzling was a success
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
