So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
