So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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