It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
