Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
