his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
