at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
