Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
