Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
