He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
