omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ttyl tear gas
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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