i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my sisters under your porch take her home
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize